Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Time!



 
Our Journey Through LIFE is taking some time as it makes a slight turn!
 
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Back in 2001, this was what began our journey...
 
(Multifocal deep white matter foci in the bilateral periventricular regions of increased signal on long TR images is noted. While this usually inconsequential when seen in elderly patients due to chronic small vessel ischemic disease, the younger age of the patient (44) elicits other diagnostic possibilities such as vasculitis, demyelination such as seen in MS (although the lesions are not characteristic of this entity), ADEM, or lyme disease, or gliosis from prior brain insult. Clinical correlation is recommended.)
 
Last years test revealed basically the same thing.

(Multiple foci of  FLAIR signal hyperintensity seen within the periventricular and deep white matter represents the sequel of moderate chronic small vessel ischemic changes, such as....)

The years in between those two MRI's were partially filled with tests after tests, and even more test. The roller coaster of this was all the "this or that's", that eventually made ME to make a choice.

What was most important?

How can I accomplish what I need with what could and probably will eventually happen.

If you look up each of those possibilities, they all have challenges of their own. After all that testing, to be left with nonspecific myopathy, progression will be needed for a more definite diagnosis, landing me in a trial for IBM, I walked away when I could. No medication was going to cure it, or stop what was happening. I continued filling out my research papers each year for that study, but I have not been back for further testing or evaluation. Over that time, with outside help for physical and occupational therapy, along with some great spiritual therapy, I am where I am today!

Some might say I wasted time!
 
It was not wasted:

It was time well spent.
 
Memories that wouldn't have happened, happened.
People I wouldn't have met, I met.
Places we wouldn't have visited together, we saw and we continue traveling to.
 
I believe we are still heading in that same direction, we just have to take our time, along with a minor detour due to some construction ahead. It happens all the time when you are on a journey. No one can predict the weather, the road, the outcome, the challenges, or the setbacks. We can and do prepare for them and that comes in the form of FAITH.

A detour along any journey is most likely a possibility, in fact, I really did expect it sooner, so with that, as we (I am not alone on this journey) approach it, my tummy does get all tangled up inside.

I really am not a fan of deadline, due dates, or submit by dates!
 
I am a fan of...FAITH!
 
My daughter says I can be the Queen of Vague!
She tastefully choice a different word, ambiguity I think is what she said, but basically it meant VAGUE!

Guilty, and for good reason.
 
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1. I don't want to throw anyone under any type of bus.

 
2. I don't want to hurt anyone.


3. Complete details haven't been worked out or resolved.
 
Until all the i's have been dotted, and the t's crossed I can be as vague as I need to be. Excited to share whatever is happening, yet cautious about what might be ahead or along the way that could change that direction in the blink of an eye. 

4. Sometimes I just like cliff hangers.

5. Not everything needs to be black or white, I like color sometimes.

Basically....
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And my son had to add his 2 cents too!
 
Adam Yarlott's photo.
 
vague
/vāɡ/
adjective

...of uncertain, indefinite, or unclear character or meaning.
...thinking or communicating in an unfocused or imprecise way.

I don't like letting all the cats out of a bag after they have been collected.

No one cared to help me collect them!
 
Why do they care how I let them out or when?
 
Calling me crazy will not make me share anything sooner then I need or want.
 
One thing is certain, a trip I had planned for almost a year needed to be canceled. Something better is taking it's place and that trip will be rescheduled at a different time, for a different reason, and even go to a different place. With planning, I can take a train trip anytime to anywhere I want, and New Orleans really was never on my bucket list. So this is where we need to be to celebrate with our family, our way. In fact I'm kind of happy it's been removed, along with the anxiety!

That last test will also be sending us on another journey come the fall. I was asked last August if I wanted to be referred and my answer at that time was "No, not really. We've been on that road before!" I have decided that come my next appointment, I am asking for that referral. I am not looking for a different outcome, it's just time to get some medical assistance in the direction is all.

So in between now and then, I am filling the time with things that matter.

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After all...

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Time on Our Journey Through LIFE!
 

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Another Year Over, and A New One Has Begun! (Part 3)

Sorry to take so long to continue from the previous post. I came down with a cold and boy did it knock me down. Last year I got a flu shot and made it through with flying colors. When the races didn't do them we meant to go get one but kept putting it off. I will surely be taking care of that here soon since we'll be traveling to New Orleans by train, I don't need to catch something along the way. We'll be receiving our 20 year plaque as owner's. So excited!

As the year ended, many emotions were flying about. With the loss of someone so dear and young, so quickly, the loss to her mother is unimaginable. Just a thought would make the tears flows for her. That would then lead to pray for comfort and strength for her, her family, and for God to embrace us all. It brought back memories of our own losses at the exact time of year.

2003 was our year of healing and growing after 2001-2002 when we lost all 3 parents within 11 months. As novice grandparents, we were catching on to this new role of ours on this journey. I also went through a lot of physical and occupational therapy back then and over the years after, continue relearning what I could, accepting what I couldn’t and getting stronger for the road ahead. Some times I can’t believe it’s been 15 years since this journey began. I revisited my very first post from 2007 that briefly outlined parts of this journey and how some prior injuries and new illnesses created some long term effects. In 2004 we made a BIG choice that many didn’t believe was right nor did they understood why. Looking at where I am now, because I made that choice, I praise God daily for this journey. The consequences from that choice were not all bad, in fact, I think some pretty awesome stuff has happened and continues to happen from those choices. With each consequence we turned a corner to a better life. Oh, yes, there were times I wanted to throw in the towel, but something, that being God’s Love, was bigger then any man made remedy on earth. I went after QUALITY instead of Quantity, and I think I have received both!

The Journey still moves at God’s pace. My abilities are diminishing and getting harder to cover up. My mind has it’s own reaction to this, and some days I am swimming against the current, while other days I’m flowing with it. I rest, plan, and prepare for all types of adventures, from doctors to travel. Spontaneous activities can cause some unwanted emotional reactions or outburst. A long term activities can land me flat for a few days, but in the end, I wouldn’t have wanted it any different, well maybe less drama, but the moments in between the difficulties surpass any discomfort. The memories made outshine the few moments of disruptions. All is forgiven, all is understood, and the Journey continues on!

What is still consistent, are the some Holiday traditions….

Like building a Gingerbread House and decorating Sugar Cookies at Grandmas. Usually we get our house from Bountiful Baskets, a food co-op, but this year the sign up date came and went while we were preoccupied with heavy hearts and family life. So we found a house that was just to decorate (NOT TO EAT – once you’ve had fresh made gingerbread, there is no going back) and of course I made our sugar cookies from scratch.






    

On the even years, the “Grand’s” are with the ex’s and their family. Before we use to create a magical holiday before they went or when they got back. It was crazy fun! But as the “Grand’s” grow up, teaching them to wait for the holiday is more important now then creating the day like we did when they had no idea what day it really was. Christmas with under 5’s are the most magical to me, and when they grow to learn the truth about the Big Guy, and the reason for the season, other traditions begin as well. Church on Christmas Eve. Keeping secrets. Help in wrapping. To Christmas shopping and decorating. The list has endless of possibilities. Having 4 and a half in this age bracket, teaching allows them to set an example for the younger “Grand’s” which then gives them the feeling like they are a part of this journey. How can I not be a happy grandma. Watching these 8 “Grand’s” enjoying life, enjoying the holiday, is just magical.



The photo above was from 2012. Time to get a new one taken, hint, hint! For now a candid collage will have to do. It just amazes me how much each of them has grown. Similar in many ways, yet different in many ways too. Our Journey Through LIFE is so blessed!

 

The New Year is going to bring so many more memories,  treasuring each and every one of them.



Over the last few years while being tested, poked and pricked, you meet many people you wouldn’t have met if you weren’t going through what you are. Each of them leave something with you and I believe I leave something with them. People who are going through a certain journey see life a whole lot different. You are never who you were in the beginning, and you have changed and grown as the journey needed, into who you are today. How is that not a gift from God? Along this journey pray has been the beginning and the ending to each day, and sometimes numerous times during the day if I need Him, or if someone else needs Him. I love that of Him, anytime, anywhere!

Life is a Journey, Not a Destination! That has become our motto over that couple years! If something is in our way, we’ll either move it or go around it, or just plow right over the top! Nothing is going to stop us now!

Our Journey Through LIFE will grow in a direction this year that God has been preparing us for. I’m excited to see the view along the way. All we can do is enjoy the ride!

May the New Year bring good things to all you who read me. Thanks for taking the time, I’m glad you did.

Saturday, December 27, 2014

Really, It’s Already Over! (Part 2)

 

When it’s raining, it’s pouring!

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Thankful that the storms around here always move by quickly. A sign that even hard times will again be a thing of the past. Sometimes the path has bad weather, but it too shall pass!

October

I LOVE the fall!

The weather is changing.

Crops are being harvested.

Leaves are beginning to fall.

Plus there are “Grand” baseball games to attend!

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Sometimes it’s even a family thing…

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This year, his team won their way into the play offs as the wild card. And just like the Giants, they brought home the trophy! Our grandson’s first trophy and boy was he excited!

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As always October brings our Annual Boo Bash…our 6th Annual be exact. It’s always a lot of fun and the work of putting it together seems trivial when during the festivities the giggles and gratitude makes it all worth it! The older “Grand’s” even enjoy helping to set up and create. The girls had fun smashing Oreo's to use as dirt for our pudding cups.  The boy’s seemed to enjoy the building of things. We didn’t have as big a turn out as other years, but it was still a blast.

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November

Immediately after the Boo Bash, and I mean like 2 days later, we were packed up and heading to NASCAR with the new trailer.

Old Trailer

For almost 10 years, the old lady served us well! Our New Journey will make the next 10 just as memorable.

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It was so nice to be there early. No stress in trying to park with other’s already in place. It was tight with the old trailer when we arrived later. Not that the hubby couldn’t park it right on the line, it was me. I am so thankful he knows just how to do it! It also gave us time to goof off some before the “Grand’s” arrived.

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Of course we need our annual pre-race picture!

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Being down on the start finish line was awesome and the kids had a really good time.

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All packed up, ready to head home!

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We barely got her unpacked before our world was rocked again with some tragic news. Yes, last year we had a similar thing happen. This one was even worse. For the next few weeks, who am I kidding, I still grieve and like now it was and still is minute by minute. One little thought can set off a memory and the tears just flow. It is times like this I miss my mom’s, even after 13 years, it isn’t any easier. Loss is loss and you know the road ahead for those closest, and for yourself. However, I am not super women and I have my days. If you have been reading me since the beginning, you’ll understand how hard this stuff can be.

With that I need to do this in 3 parts. I really thought when I began updating I would be able to get past this part. Maybe even leave it out. But then that would be leaving her out, and she someone who shined bright and had great love to share.

Please, just pray for my family. For their loss of someone so young and that God continues to heal her 3 year old son. No words will ever fully explain the pain so many are going through. When her celebration of life has been planned, maybe I will share more. Till then, your prayers mean the world to so many!

Tomorrow I will conclude the Holidays on Our Journey Through LIFE! 

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